cheap tickets airline tickets: How Much Time (if any) Should Be Spent on Home Improvement?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

How Much Time (if any) Should Be Spent on Home Improvement?

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemnas.

Today, 02:55 PM

? #3 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: May 2011

Posts: 187

Oh wow! I'm not even going to get in to the tit-for-tat stuff about "if you love me, you would do this".

This is what I would do. You make a list of all of the projects that need to be done. Divide the list in to "must be done" and "nice to have". Prioritize each of the things on the list and estimate the time/cost to do them. Decide at this point if there are just some things that you can't do because you won't have time or the inclination to do them, and those have to be bid out by a contractor. Make a schedule for yourself, and give yourself time off. You shouldn't have to do stuff like this every living minute unless you really live for home improvement. Present this to your wife, and make note to her that some of the things may be able to get done sooner if you work together and she contributes more than just "design" consultations.

I will admit that my H is really handy. However, he doesn't always like to do the projects that I come up with. He has a hard job and he likes to spend his time off not having to do all of "my" projects. Therefore, we work together. We just put new molding and trimwork up in the whole house (okay - it took 3 years). We worked one room at a time. We did the planning and shopping together, he did all of the installation (I guess he doesn't trust me with his miter saw - smart man!), and I did the finishing. (I notice if I got behind on my end of finishing, he didn't put up any more trimwork until I caught up. )

I would not let your wife run all over you. Doing a certain number of things around the house, especially if they involve power tools and muscles is pretty manly. Letting your wife push you around isn't.

__________________

~ This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted. - C.S. Lewis

Today, 03:21 PM

? #6 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Feb 2011

Posts: 417

I bought a 30 year old fixer upper that my wife really wanted when we moved to a new city. Over time, my wife and I learned to balance the expectations to give me occasional weekends off. Like Enchantment, we try to split the tasks, although her capabilies limit her. On a tile floor, I lay the tile, and she grouts. In redoing a wall, I do the sheetrock work, while she applies all the exotic tecniques that make my head spin.

This split didn't work for the hardwood flooring, the plumbing, windows and doors, kitchen cabinets, or the electrical, so thats where the balance came in. In other words, her understanding of my need for R&R. Since I only sleep about 5 hours a night, at first she thought I could just keep going, but I need downtime. My job is stressful.

Like others suggested, I think you should write down and prioritize all chores, including home improvement. Tell her that one way or another, the entire list, considering work, should be balanced.

Today, 04:09 PM

? #15 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Aug 2010

Posts: 1,977

Quote:

I get that but I was trying to stop you from beating yourself up. That whole if you loved me you'd whatever game is dangerous. When do you get to just hang out and read the paper? When did her time become more valuable than yours?

BINGO! BINGO! BINGO! BINGO!

The old "I'm more important than you" game.

We loved our mothers. We'd do anything for them.

We simply transfer our heart (and it's a young one) to our wives and put them on that same pedestal.

Take them down - before it's too late.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH